"My hairdo, right or wrong."
An admirable credo, we admit. We just wish we could say the same for Judge Sandra O'Connor's coiffure. We recently overheard someone say, "She looks so wholesome, it's hard to believe she's in favor of abortion." We couldn't agree more. Since there's never been a woman Supreme Court Justice, we don't exactly know what one should look like. But somehow, we don't think she should look like she's about to tell a classful of 1955 third graders to get under their desks for an atomic bomb drill.
No one doubts that the Judge is a busy woman. Reviewing-briefs, absorbing
testimony and issuing death row reprieves take a lot out of a person. But you'd think Her Honor could find time to drop in at the Pennsylvania Avenue Cut 'N Curl for an estimate. Then again, maybe she can't.
So in the interest of good grooming in high places, we took it upon ourselves to survey hometown hairdressers in hopes of lending the judge some tonsorial first aid.
Unfortunately, we didn't get far. Evidently there exists among beauticians a code every bit as strict as the Hypocritic [sic] Oath and to pass judgment on someone's do for a third party is akin to cosmetic treason. The receptionist at the Add-A-Curl Beauty Salon merely passed the buck, telling us to call back later and talk to someone – anyone – else. At the Purple Wig, the spokeswoman pled the fifth. "Oh, we've never done her. We'd have nothing to say about this issue."
Off the record, it was a different story. A Scottsdale beauty expert charged that the Judge's hair was "very dated. It looks like she's seen too many June Allyson movies." She suggested an up-to-the-minute blunt cut.
Constructive criticism of a different sort came from a hairbender at one of Phoenix's more with-it salons. "Let's face it. Her style is rather sparse, don't you think? They do wear wigs in judicial courts in London, you know. I'm surprised the woman wasn't headed for the wig counter years ago."
Submitted for your approval, alternative do's for Her Honor. You're the jury. But we must warn you – if we don't like your verdict, we'll take our case to the highest court in the land – and it will be packed with the exhibits you see below.